just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
