Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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