She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
