That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
