4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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