filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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