Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
