why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
