Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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