He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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