worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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