she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you didnt know i had herpes?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
