I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
