No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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