Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
