i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
