I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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