When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
pop tarts are not kleenex
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Someone signed my nipple.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
