Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize