i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
