flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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