she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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