she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
