I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
