You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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