Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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