good thing vaginas are great cup holders
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
