I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
