he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
