My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
