the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize