so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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