He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
