if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
