I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
You did what with his pubic hair?
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