I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize