ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
