I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
