we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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