He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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