Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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