how can u be prego again
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
