She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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