I'm gonna have a badass scar
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
