I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
