pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
