her vagine was all disorganized.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
