chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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