you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
