meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
