I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
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