wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
