I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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