Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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