I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
We got so high we made milksteak
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
