At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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