you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize