i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
