why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Randomize
