My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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