Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
