Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
