every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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