i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
