The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
