there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
