1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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