apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
