my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
