So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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