Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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