Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
