ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
