$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
