I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize