i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
