Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
