Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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