what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
