He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
