no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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