Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
birth control should be required to get into college
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
