dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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