I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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