Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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