he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
