I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
It's blow job season.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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