all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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