All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
