just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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