why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Less talking, more tequila
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
