WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
