Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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