Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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