All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
