but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
