and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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