Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
