1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize