there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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