yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
this is an emotional support booty call
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
