just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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