Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
