dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
