I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
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