i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
